The Worst The Orange Star Has To Offer
by the-sam-r-i
Summary: Company F attacked there own men. How are they goin to get out of this one
1. Chapter 1

**The Worst The Army Has To Offer...**

In a war where all of humanity rests on the military's shoulder, there is one company that you sure as hell don't want watching your back. Company F. The worst company in the 82nd, and the entire Orange Star Army! The company was pretty shorthanded though, only eight people. First off, the company's leader, Captain Seth Elder, was the only person who was trustworthy, honest, and basically had any common sense. His one problem was his failing eyesight and literally couldn't hit the broad side of a barn. The secondary leader was Sergeant Tim Holmes. He was very determined and is the most effective in combat. Some say it's his killer instinct. But he's just insane. He's usually only insane if he's in combat, or with his friends. He likes to make people laugh, at any cost. When normal though, one of the best tacticians there is but, he obeys Captain Elder. Next is Corporal Kevin Jerez, one of the few minority snipers left in the 82nd. He has a weakness for women and tends to concentrate too hard, result in forgotten orders and a bad case of gas. This means he usually is alone in combat, but still very good with his weapon, either shooting the enemy or spying on the women with his scope. Next, of course, was the Korean, Corporal Jamie Owen. He is a freaking big man, meaning he carries the anti-take weapons and maybe some machine guns. He claims being a pack mule is because he's a minority, but Sergeant Holmes assures him that the other minority barely has to carry anything because he can run faster. The other Sergeant, as experienced as Holmes but transferred so he's third in command. Sergeant Gabe Shoup. A born leader. He is brilliant tactician who almost everyone goes to for advice. Except Sergeant Holmes. Sergeant Holmes one weakness is the he admires the Soviet tactics, which basically means that the primary tactic is to waste there ammunition and to charge whenever possible. He fails to realize that there are only eight people left. Next is Private Trey Christy, called "girly-man" by his peers, but well respected by others, his weapon of choice is the mortars. He can carry all of them and fire them accurately. One problem, he's useless in close combat except when it's hand-to-hand combat. Only when there isn't guns does he do well in fighting. Next will be Private Adam LeVeck. His ammo wasting abilities are unmatched. He is most likely to get an overkill since he uses an entire clip with each person, even if the person is already dead. He's accurate, which kinda makes it pointless. Right. Next is Private Samantha Page, the only woman in the 82nd, and for a good reason. Most men in the 82nd are perverts and the rest are gay. Some say she got in on pure talent. Bull. She's a medic and could suck a golf ball through a garden hose. That's why the CO Nell even allows her in F Company. She also doubles as a spy, and like a medic, she can suck a golf ball through a garden hose. She is one of the best spies there is since she is dedicated to the mission and won't leave the target even after she finishes her mission until she finishes with her other "mission"

"Yes sir CO Nell." Captain Elder replied. "I'll get right to it. Company F, ASSEMBLE!"

Six soldiers ran and lined up, at attention. They all looked tired, since it was six in the morning. Sergeant Holmes was wearing his swastika pajamas and twitching angrily, he hated being woken up. Corporal Jerez yawned and scratched his itchy butt, which let out a soft squeal of escaped gas. Sergeant Shoup dragged his feet wearing his C.C.C.P. shirt and nothing else. Private Christy wore leather chaps and a leather vest with a leather mask. No one asked. Private LeVeck stood still, a good soldier, but was also twitching and always had a small pistol in his belt, which he wore everywhere. Private Page ran up dressing herself in a black and white robe, but no one seemed to notice that Private Page only had black robes. Everyone snickered at the stereotypical scene.

"One...Two...Three...Four...Five...Six..." Captin Elder counted. "Where is Corporal Owen!"

"I don't know sir." replied Sergeant Holmes."He might still be in bed."

Captain Elder dragged out his cattle prod and walked towards Corporal Owen's bed. He switched on his cattle prod to the highest level and stared at the great lump. Corporal Owen's bed was trashed. Twinkie and Cheeto wrappers were everywhere. It smelled like elephant dung. Captain Elder fired up his cattle prod and thrusted it at Corporal Owen.

It happened in less than a second. The great lump sure as hell felt the cattle prod since he jumped up threw himself through a wall.

"Corporrrrrrrrallllll Owen reppppporting sir." he said.

"Get up and get your giant arse in line!" Captain Elder barked. He turned and ran into a wall, feeling around for a door. He found it and ran outside.

All eight troops assembled in their uniforms. They all agreed to use there first names since they can communicate faster and the typer wouldn't have to wear out his fingers.

"We have been assigned to a mission, believe it or not!" Seth shouted. "Headquarter seems to have had a shortage of soldiers and we are lucky t be allowed to engage the enemy!"

Trey was picking his nose, Kevin was scratching his arse, and Samantha had just noticed her black robes is white in some places.

"Where are we going?" inquired Gabe.

"CO Nell says we are going to be engaging the enemy at Guan, then "Nam," then a country that practices Islam," replied Seth."We have to enter Guam commando style. Get your plane tickets."

"Yes sir!" replied everyone else. They turned back to their back to their beds and started to pack fo what will be there greatest journey in their lives.


	2. Chapter 2

Note: I do not own any of the countries or any of the advance wars games. This story if you didn't already know is a story about me and my friends. It might be hard to follow at sometimes im sorry for this. If u have a question bout the story just e-mail me at or I give all credit to my friend Timothy H. Holmes. He gave me the inspiration to wright this story.

CHAPTER 2 The First Battle.

Here is a little background on what the world is like. The nation of Orange Star owns what is today know was North America. They have the perfect balance of money and strength. The nation of Blue Moon owns what is Africa. They have a strong economy so they never have to worry about money troubles. The Nation of Yellow Comet owns all of Asia. They have a strong sense of loyalty so they have a very strong military. The nation of Green Earth owns what is known as Europe. They ,like Orange Star, have a balance of money and military strength. And finally is the nation of Black Hole is retreating back to the islands of the pacific and Australia. They are barley alive after the defeats that they suffered in the past wars.

Last time we left off our favorite company just found out that they would be engaging in war for the first time. There first mission go to Guam and take this Black Hole controlled island in the hands of the Orange Star. Lets see what happens.

"Flight #289 now boarding," chimed the intercom. Company F ran in the gate, carrying their guns. They piled their suitcases on Jamie. Kevin ,the other minority, helped by adding a horse feeder full of oat-bran. Jamie munched happily.

"Hey, Captain Elder, how did we get pass security?" asked Samantha.

"Easy," replied Seth. "I told them we were all white!"

"But how did Corporal Owen and Corporal Jerez get past?" asked Samantha

"Well...the security guards were all women," piped Seth. "I guess that Jamie and Kevin took them out back. I only hope that Kevin didn't hang them again."

"Again?"

"Canada was a very unfriendly place and the women are colder than the temperature. He hates being turn down..."

The entire company boarded the airplane and sat next to some very nice Arab people. The Arabs started speaking in hushed voices and kept glancing in the pilots cockpit. The company started to speak to each other and started to check there guns.

"Hey Jamie, do you have enough oat-bran?" asked Kevin

"mmhmm."

"You probably wondering why you still have to carry all the suitcases standing up even though the overhead compartments are empty, right?"

"mmhm."

"It's training."

"mmhatt!"

So the entire company slept for the whole flight except Jamie who had to make sure he didn't collapse under the weight of the suitcases. Also, Private LeVeck couldn't find his AK-47. The Arabs were gone too. No one really cared. As Company F walked off the plane, they broke out into a run, loading their weapons and getting ready for the flight of their lives.

Everyone charged ahead into the primitive airport, Tim and Adam taking the lead, firing madly with their AK-47's. Right behind them were Gabe and Samantha, shooting with their extremely powerful Magnums. Seth, Jamie, and Trey brought up the rear, firing Bazookas in the airport.

"Yeah, can I get fries with that?" asked Kevin.

"Shure ting shur, anything elshe?" asked the Guam McDonald's guy.

"That should be enough."

"Here ish your order shur." said the guy. He placed Kevin's order in the bag and gave it to him. A stray bullet caught the guy in the head. Kevin took the money and proceeded back to the battle. Adam must've shot the guy (he always liked shooting civilians) because he jumped over the counter and unloaded the rest of the clip in the guy. He then proceeded to the kitchen, where the last shots were heard.

Company F assembled in the middle of the airport. They killed about 20 people. The company then helped Jamie take off the suitcases. Kevin took back his oat-brand. The plane that landed suddenly too off and crashed into the ocean.

"Okay troops,"said Captain Elder, "Well will establish headquarters here. Then we will clean up the rest of the enemy."

"Pardon me, Captain Elder, but who is the enemy?" asked Samantha.

"I don't know," replied Seth. "We can only assume that everyone is the enemy."

"Captain Elder," said Adam. "The police are here, about five of them, can I have an extra three clips?"

"No Adam, use what you have."

"This is the police, we have you surrounded. Drop your weapons and come out with your hands up and you will not be harmed."

"Positions everyone!" shouted Seth. "Wait until they get through the door."

"Captain Elder," said Jamie. What about Guam's army?"

"It's 7 P.M.,he's gone home!" shouted Seth.

"Got it"

Everyone got out the big guns. Jamie and Gabe both aimed Bazookas at the front door. Seth, Adam, and Tim aimed their AK-47's at the front door. Samantha aimed her Magnum at the front door. Trey couldn't use his mortars without blowing them all up, so he grabbed a big-arse machine gun, and placed it on a table and aimed it at the front door. Several tense moments passed.

The back door exploded. Thousands of Orange Star soldiers piled through that blast while everyone turned around, firing madly. Adam looked like Christmas came early. He started screaming like a banshee. Orange Star troops fell everywhere, not knowing it was their own Army that was shooting at them. Kevin was somewhere, but no one knew where, nor did anyone notice. After what seemed like forever the Orange Star force stopped trying to change through. Everyone took a peek outside and assuming it was safe, and started stealing Orange Star weapons and ammo clips.

Canisters suddenly crashed through the windows. Gas filled the room. Everyone started to fall into a deep sleep. The last thing anyone saw was a shadowy figures of troops entering the front door.


	3. Chapter 3

Well I guess some people don't have a sense of humor. Oh well that has never stopped me before. So I'm going to keep in writhing. So here is the third chapter.

Chapter 3:Jail Time

"What on earth were you thinking?" demanded the tall man."Do you realize that you attacked your own country?"

"I SHOT THE MOST!" yelled Adam.

"SHUT UP!" spat the tall man.

"What happened?" asked Jamie. The tall man ignored him.

"You are going to serve a very long time in Alcatraz for this," said the tall man."Take them away."

The guards all led Jamie, Adam, Samantha, Seth, Gabe, Trey, and Tim to one cell. The guards threw them in and even slapped Jamie, who they thought was a native.

"Well, we're screwed," said Trey.

"That's one way to put it," said Seth. "Does anyone know where Kevin is?"

"The last time I saw him, he was getting a Big Mac,"said Adam

"There is nothing else we can do now. We just have to wait and see if CO Nell will get us out of here."

"Wait a second." Adam said. "Didn't CO Nell order us to attack Guam?"

"What is your point Adam?"

"Why would CO Nell order us to attack Guam?"

"She probably got food poisoning here. She hates that. The last time anyone had food poisoning Adam clogged the toilet in Paris," Trey said

"Let's get some sleep," said Seth. "We can only hope Kevin finds us."


End file.
